The Mistaken Belief of Love and Nurturing

It is the responsibility of the parents to love and nurture their children. However, excessive love and nurturing of parents towards their children will end up in pampering. Pampering is an act of giving more care and attention than is necessary and appropriate just like to spoiling and babying which is also defined as providing unnecessary amount of care or attention.

The parents who pampers their children are those who are consistently and excessively fulfilling everything their child’s desires and those who allowed their child to do whatever they want. These parents give too much and too often everything the child wants and requests. Consequently, fulfilling every wish of the child blindly or intentionally makes the parents feel that they are able to give their love and affection to their children.

However, this perception is a wrong assumption of parents about love and nurturing. Pampering never cultivates and encourages the children to grow and become better but rather it hinders the children to learn essential life lessons. The children that have been exposed to pampering will develop the belief of superiority over others and supremacy over the laws. These children will end up blaming other person for every mistakes they have done. They are always not accountable to their action an as a result they will not learn from their mistakes.

Learners develop this behavior because of the type of reinforcement the parents provide to their children. This phenomenon can be explained by the law of effect (Edward Thorndike). The law of effect postulate that as the behavior is joined with pleasing feeling the more likely the behavior will occur. In the case of the pampered children, as their negative behavior(tantrum) is reinforced (rewarded) by giving what they want (foods, toys and others) the behavior is more likely to repeatedly happen. The reinforcement and the response of the parents inculcate in the mind of the children that what they have been doing is right.

The hindering effects of pampering as reveled by Mars Sumalinog in his study that pampered children have been outperformed by other learners due to some issues in their learning behavior. These learners never recognize person in authority. They will only do the activities as they please and they do not follow the instruction given by their teacher. They are unable to cope with the modification made in their activities. They never accept change in task and they have the tendency for not finishing their work.

It is very important to note that pampering is the mistaken belief of love and nurturing of parents towards their children. Parents can always give their love and affection not just by providing everything the child wants and desire but by guiding them to become responsible, independent and sociable being. Thus, excessive love and nurturing will never make the child better. Only through proper guidance and continues cultivation of their behavior and skills will help them become a better member of the society.

By        Mars G. Sumalinog
    Special Education Teacher I
   Malaybalay City Central School